Monthly Archives: April 2011

A Dog’s Life

I have a couple of German shepherds, adopting them at eight weeks old. Now two, they at times have been a bane of my existence. Ripping cushions in the form of play, leaving “accidents” occasionally, and taking off on a stroll to who knows where, necessitating calls to authorities about lost dogs. But in the end, they do give back a hundredfold in terms of affection and company and a sense of calm as they nestle by your feet as you read, just wanting to touch.

So what would it be like to be a dog? And how does it compare with us refined hominids? Well, the same mental faculties don’t exist. You won’t see a dog working a spreadsheet, composing a novel, or preparing a dinner for eight. Driving, I don’t think so. One might say that a dog has an inferior existence to man. But let’s really think about it. Of course, this is coming from someone whose wiring is a bit off.

First off, you can sleep anywhere. You don’t have to think about what you will wear everyday. You are always satisfied with the same meal. You bathe irregularly. You are generally always warm. Your schedule is your own. And if adopted by the right person, pretty much most things are done for you with kindness and affection.

Your day consists of sleeping and eating, shitting and exercising. No commuting, or cellphones, or emails. While you may have moods, they are ephemeral. It doesn’t matter if your master is white or black, yellow or red, green or blue, you love them unconditionally. And it doesn’t matter what the other dogs around are, whether another German shepherd, or a poodle, a dachshund, a lab or a lap dog. You just think “I’m a dog, you’re a dog, let’s play”. What a concept.

Imagine a human having the same approach. Being flexible and accommodating in every environment. Not caring about what others think about how you look. Always feeling that you are not without as you have no expectations. You live for the moment, the past is the past. No external interruption besides nature itself. Being able and willing to engage with all colors and creeds and sizes. But most of all, having the ability to love unconditionally, thru good times and bad, as you dismiss the accoutrements of your surroundings or lack thereof. It doesnt matter what you have or what you want, you love your companion, and can show it, without speaking the words, “I love you”. No need for the merits or vagaries of language. You show it and you mean it. And it is received just as intended. Very simple and in many ways, very elegant.

Reverting back, the human mind is a gift. The ability to cogitate and analyze, to ideate and to dream is a wonder, which separates us from other species. But there is the dark side too. It can create much discontent, affecting performance and energy, disrupting relationships, and really undermining someone’s raison d’etre or even life itself. And then you look at your dog. Living large and happy on the most basic elements in life. The greatest being the expression of love.

There is a saying, “it’s a dog’s life”, which dates back to the sixteenth century. It generally meant a life of misery or of miserable subservience. You know what, when you stop and think about a dog’s life, it actually sounds pretty good.



My last few months have been a roller coaster, with the track having much longer and faster down slopes and an occasional flatness. It has been amazing that there hasn’t been a rising track for sometime. Until maybe the last few days. Earlier in the week, I found myself in urgent care at the med center. Not for a physical malady, rather the (mental) downer I was on excessively disturbed me, so thus I sought assistance. While I was frustrated at the wait to see a doc, and a bit tired from not sleeping for about seven days, I had an epiphany seeing so many others that seemed to have many more issues than me. Flashed me back to years ago with some of my charity work. Spent a lot of time with the physically and mentally handicapped. Both the here and now, and the back then, one (me) fails to remember that while one has full capability of his faculties, others have real challenges, many times extremely severe. A good wake up call, as I was in a very down state, but seeing and remembering, made me realize that I am one of the fortunate. While I do know that the little charges in my head don’t work right, which causes in large part my depression, it is a amazing what a dose of another reality can do to change a view, a mood, an attitude, even if for only a moment. Across the waiting room, I saw a father concerned for his son, sitting next to him. They seemed to be having a conversation, not about what was ailing his son. Rather, about the book his father was reading. The Secret. Recall the “new age” bible of some years back. I remember giving a copy or two out as Christmas presents, one to my ex-wife, the year it came out. After she read it, I ended up borrowing it. Again, many years back. Guess I never returned it.

Anyway, since I had it, I pulled it out of the bookshelves and begin a re-read. Funny how something you read at a particular time, can just grab you, shake you up, and bring some clarity to obfuscation. The essence of the book is that the nature of the energy and thought we put out there which comes back the same way, creating a domino effect….the Secret is the law of attraction….send out bad vibes, you get more coming at you, and for a depressive, that’s not good, possibly lethal. Send out good vibes, wishing for what you want and where you want to be, rather than dwelling on what you don’t have and where you are. Sending good energy attracts good energy back to you. New age-y right.

Anecdotally, studying a bit about quantum physics (right…), I remembered a little exercise my feng shui advisor showed me, by placing a pendulum over one of my palms, the pendulum moved in a circular fashion. Moved it to the other palm, it swung back and forth like a metronome. Then flipping my hands over and allowing the pendulum to move (on its own), the opposite action occured, namely the palm that created the circular motion and now on the backhand, it was moving back and forth, like the other palm. Even the most feeble mind can wonder about this. Something was causing the movement, and it wasn’t the inanimate pendulum. I was emitting something to manifest the movement. But not one movement but two distinct movements. My advisor said that we emit energy, causing things to happen around us. And as we emit it we also receive. And in different types and ways.

And then take it back to the Secret. I guess it’s not just the quantity of the energy that radiates, but also the quality. Certainly I believe we cast of some type of energy field, but can it be right that if I send out something it will attract something back of similar nature? Whether right or wrong, there is a bit of logic here. But I am convinced we do have an energy that we exude. In fact, my kids demonstrated the exercise for their science classes.

This is definitely not an endorsement of a book, or even of the psyche ward. It became another epiphany. Could I change the domino downer by shifting my thoughts to what I dream for in the future, rather than dwell in the doldrums of my mind about the past and present? And those thoughts and vibes attract the same type of energy, so good stuff (love, happiness, health, wealth, etc) comes back my way? Well, it was worth a try but not easy for someone who has seen, in fact lived, in a glass half empty.

So I thought of what I desired and, as suggested in the book, visualized it as though you have it, it is there, you can embrace it, whatever it may be. Maybe simple, but thru the nite, I wanted two people to call me on the phone, whom I have been trying to reach for months, having left growingly frustrated messages. But with good mental intentions that evening, I envisaged having the most delightful conversation with both the following day. Next morning, the phone rings…twice. Back to back, after months, both folks called, and yes the calls were great. Circumstantial? Curious? Coincidental? Possibly. But very weird. Mind over matter? You tell me.

But there is something to be said about thinking and wishing forward, underscore wishing, rather than thinking and sinking into continued and deeper shit. Maybe a bit idealistic, reckless, frothy, trippy, yet certainly healthier than the flip side. I know the downer causes further downers, and seems like everything just steamrolls in the same direction. So let’s reverse the conditions, at least in one’s mind. And then the energy field thing … thank you, feng shui, for showing me.

So, as I finished the book in a single sitting, I concluded that there was a reason that the father son team in waiting room had the book and I just happened to notice it. Maybe coincidental, but for this particular mind, it became like a touch of magic, or good energy, to grasp on to. Even if this is a mere temporary upper, I will enjoy it (and believe it ) as I can.

Preserved in anger

they say a moment, a day , a year, a lifetime can be bestowed in amber
But elected moments find your emotions just
Preserved in anger

She said that she would and sure she could and yes she should
Said i incurred the hurt
such a jaded man
i took her soul which made her whole
And though I take your soul with no remorse
The lack of you makes me
And that angers me to the enth degree
I am angered
I angered in a world i don’t know
I’m just preserved in anger

my mind is not right, the thought of you in the distance
My heart is chastised , aching with desperate pangs of pain
You said you cared, you bared you stared at me but with a blank look
As if what we had was nothing but looking in a mirror and seeing no reflection
You leave me without answers without response, without a goodbye
you leave me Confused while preserved in anger

Chapters are turning, with new days in front
Remove from me the thought of her
Her feckless soul her naked sense her duplicity
She left me preserved in anger
But I shall go on